After the adventure that was TEDxWarsaw, Lola and I loitered. Why, you ask? BECAUSE WE WERE GOING TO SEE THE HUNGER GAMES! (Oh, I'm sorry. I mean "Igrzyska śmierci" - which Google translates (incorrectly) as "Olympics of Death")
Anyway, let's talk time differences.
Poland is 6 hours ahead of the east coast. So, when it is midnight in NYC, it is 6 am here. Now... if a movie were to have a midnight showing here... that means I see it approximately... 6 hours before those losers in America. Muhahaha.
Anyway, Rachel met up with us, and we did the whole "hanging out at a mall" thing. It was very 15 years old. Then we saw Hunger Games. I'm very pleased with the film version. I'm curious to see how the other ones will be.
The rest of my week was spent in class and cleaning. Why cleaning? Because my parents were coming! And the apartment was getting mad filthy. But it wasn't a bad thing. I quite enjoyed the cleaning. I took care of a lot of little details that needed to be taken care of - like fixing my boots (A conversation that went like this. "I have shoes." "OK?" "To repair?" "22 zl")
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
TEDxWarsaw
Origin story for TEDx - independently organized TED events.
So, once upon a time, these people who were really smart and did really smart things decided to get together and talk about the smart things they do. Thus TED talks began. To go to a TED talk, you have to be personally invited. Then you have to pay 7,000 dollars. So, after a while, some poor people who were also interested in smart things got together and decided that they wanted to do the same thing, but... free.
These are all over the place. There was TEDxNotreDame, though I never heard about it. There are online TED talks. I subscribe to the podcast, and some of them are really fascinating.
That was not necessarily the case at TEDxWarsaw.
Lola and I figured out that there were TEDx events in Poland because some of our fellow Fulbrighters were going to them in other cities - Poznan, Wroclaw, etc. So, I googled TEDxWarsaw and found that it was coming up. I submitted my application, and Lola submitted hers. Even though it's free, you still have to be selected to attend.
A few weeks later, we received notice that we were among the few, the lucky, the selected. So, when there was an optional "networking" event, Lola and I thought "Why not?"
The networking event was on Tuesday. It was interesting, to say the least. It was three hours of figuring out whether it's worth it to talk to everyone you meet or stay in contact with everyone you meet, on establishing internet presence, etc. While it was useful to hear someone talk about these things, they seemed really obvious. I don't consider the three hours wasted - at the very least, it was good practice. However, the networking event raised some questions when I was dissatisfied with the TEDx event (more later).
TEDx itself started fairly well. As usual, Lola and I were running late. The first and last panels were in English. So, we obviously wanted to maximize our understanding of the event by getting there before the first panel (which we did). We did attend some of the Polish panels. I even understood parts of them! Though, there were some that I couldn't get with my grasp of Polish. For example: the astronomy talk on why we are all astronomers by the cute University of Warsaw guy. I was sitting there expecting to hear "blah blah blah Koperniki" over and over. I was wrong. I guess Poles can still surprise me.
The event itself was organized beautifully. There were apples at the breaks. The venue seemed ideal. The gift baskets were pretty awesome, though I worry about the extra weight that one little coffee cup is going to add to my luggage when I return home finally.
So, the problem was not the organization. Nor was it the speakers, even. Each speaker had something that would've made their talk "a TEDx talk." But, of the speakers I understood, none nailed it. They didn't capture the elusive "it." (Suddenly, I'm taken back to Jack Kerouac, Dylan, and the Beats. Giamo would be proud of how often that class comes into my life.) Outside of the talks, instead of discussing the merits of the various speakers or the implications of their ideas, people focused on networking. I have business cards from people who are starting their businesses or want to know more about the American market for this or that. The fact that I'm basically an academic didn't seem to factor into their thoughts.
Some people weren't the best at networking. One man came up to me, squinted at my name tag, and commented on how rare the name "Amanda" is in Polish. When I replied (in English, because replying in Polish was beyond my ability), he then squinted at my name tag again. At this point, he apologizes, saying "I assumed you were Polish." Then he asks, in French, if I speak French. So I reply, "a little." Which is true. I do speak a little French. Granted, I understand and read French much better than I speak it. At this point, the rude man says, "It's interesting how many people here say they speak French and don't." What does someone say in response to that? At least I didn't put down that I'm fluent in Polish when I just function in Polish.
A key aspect of TEDx events is that there is no question and answer session. This makes sense to me, but I assumed that the breaks between events would give us the opportunity to analyze things. I suppose this comes from my academic focus - which is very different in America than in Poland. It's a struggle to get my university-level students to do anything.that involves thinking critically. Scholarship here seems to revolve around the recitation of facts instead of making arguments and challenging other people to improve their ideas. In my experience, being challenged isn't a negative thing. It's positive. It means that you can become better. Anything I said critically about the TEDxWarsaw event on Twitter was met with instant negative (and frequently cruel) response from complete strangers.
So, I guess my main criticism boil down to: I expected something more like an academic conference, and I got a networking event. My second main criticism was that none of the speakers nailed the TEDx ideal speech - based on the ones I've watched online.
It doesn't take much to make a TEDx talk. It's about "ideas worth spreading." Instead of getting an idea worth spreading, I got... a whole range of speeches - from inspirational Oprah crap to "here's a list of books I've read about dieting, and you should go on a vegan fast." The woman with the vegan fast recommendation was interesting. She mentioned some unhealthy dieting practices but didn't focus on how common those sort of things (like laxative teas) are for women in Poland (a country where gym culture is just beginning to catch on). She had the whole basis for her talk in a fascinating comment she made in answer to "Why did you decide to be vegan?" She said, "Because I'm selfish." With those three words, she revolutionized the idea of "selfishness." That is something I would listen to a 15 minute speech about.
Another example was the Oprah speech. A woman climbed the seven highest peaks on each continent. That's pretty freaking cool, right? She has to have fascinating things to say about it, right? Well, she did have interesting stories to tell, but she didn't necessarily tell them. Each of her mountains represented something she learned "Perseverance," "Motivation," etc. She became one of those black and white motivational posters. At the same time, frequently the indigenous people who helped her climb each mountain factored into her speech. What a fascinating concept: mountain climbing and the local economy - people who work as pack mules, basically. The people who make it possible for the wealthy to do extravagant things like climb mountains! Instead, there were some casual comments about the cannibalism of the local culture, which - I'm 90% certain - ignored the intricacies of the issue for the shock value of "cannibalism."
I could go through each speech, but my thoughts on some of them are less charitable than others, and it does no good to go into that depth this far after the fact. I'm still confused about the guy who went to Asia to paint Scottish murals at the winery. It was in Polish, but I couldn't tell if he wasn't prepared or if he was incredibly culturally insensitive or both. Every time someone laughed, I was like "I could make a similar slide show about Poland." However, I'm completely a relativist. I have hard time saying one group or culture is better than another. Still, based on decades in the states, some of the things in Poland are really strange.
Anyway, TEDxWarsaw was a fun event, and I'm glad I attended. At the very least, it will be a fun addition to my scrapbook and to my coffee mug collection!
So, once upon a time, these people who were really smart and did really smart things decided to get together and talk about the smart things they do. Thus TED talks began. To go to a TED talk, you have to be personally invited. Then you have to pay 7,000 dollars. So, after a while, some poor people who were also interested in smart things got together and decided that they wanted to do the same thing, but... free.
These are all over the place. There was TEDxNotreDame, though I never heard about it. There are online TED talks. I subscribe to the podcast, and some of them are really fascinating.
That was not necessarily the case at TEDxWarsaw.
Lola and I figured out that there were TEDx events in Poland because some of our fellow Fulbrighters were going to them in other cities - Poznan, Wroclaw, etc. So, I googled TEDxWarsaw and found that it was coming up. I submitted my application, and Lola submitted hers. Even though it's free, you still have to be selected to attend.
A few weeks later, we received notice that we were among the few, the lucky, the selected. So, when there was an optional "networking" event, Lola and I thought "Why not?"
The networking event was on Tuesday. It was interesting, to say the least. It was three hours of figuring out whether it's worth it to talk to everyone you meet or stay in contact with everyone you meet, on establishing internet presence, etc. While it was useful to hear someone talk about these things, they seemed really obvious. I don't consider the three hours wasted - at the very least, it was good practice. However, the networking event raised some questions when I was dissatisfied with the TEDx event (more later).
TEDx itself started fairly well. As usual, Lola and I were running late. The first and last panels were in English. So, we obviously wanted to maximize our understanding of the event by getting there before the first panel (which we did). We did attend some of the Polish panels. I even understood parts of them! Though, there were some that I couldn't get with my grasp of Polish. For example: the astronomy talk on why we are all astronomers by the cute University of Warsaw guy. I was sitting there expecting to hear "blah blah blah Koperniki" over and over. I was wrong. I guess Poles can still surprise me.
The event itself was organized beautifully. There were apples at the breaks. The venue seemed ideal. The gift baskets were pretty awesome, though I worry about the extra weight that one little coffee cup is going to add to my luggage when I return home finally.
So, the problem was not the organization. Nor was it the speakers, even. Each speaker had something that would've made their talk "a TEDx talk." But, of the speakers I understood, none nailed it. They didn't capture the elusive "it." (Suddenly, I'm taken back to Jack Kerouac, Dylan, and the Beats. Giamo would be proud of how often that class comes into my life.) Outside of the talks, instead of discussing the merits of the various speakers or the implications of their ideas, people focused on networking. I have business cards from people who are starting their businesses or want to know more about the American market for this or that. The fact that I'm basically an academic didn't seem to factor into their thoughts.
Some people weren't the best at networking. One man came up to me, squinted at my name tag, and commented on how rare the name "Amanda" is in Polish. When I replied (in English, because replying in Polish was beyond my ability), he then squinted at my name tag again. At this point, he apologizes, saying "I assumed you were Polish." Then he asks, in French, if I speak French. So I reply, "a little." Which is true. I do speak a little French. Granted, I understand and read French much better than I speak it. At this point, the rude man says, "It's interesting how many people here say they speak French and don't." What does someone say in response to that? At least I didn't put down that I'm fluent in Polish when I just function in Polish.
A key aspect of TEDx events is that there is no question and answer session. This makes sense to me, but I assumed that the breaks between events would give us the opportunity to analyze things. I suppose this comes from my academic focus - which is very different in America than in Poland. It's a struggle to get my university-level students to do anything.that involves thinking critically. Scholarship here seems to revolve around the recitation of facts instead of making arguments and challenging other people to improve their ideas. In my experience, being challenged isn't a negative thing. It's positive. It means that you can become better. Anything I said critically about the TEDxWarsaw event on Twitter was met with instant negative (and frequently cruel) response from complete strangers.
So, I guess my main criticism boil down to: I expected something more like an academic conference, and I got a networking event. My second main criticism was that none of the speakers nailed the TEDx ideal speech - based on the ones I've watched online.
It doesn't take much to make a TEDx talk. It's about "ideas worth spreading." Instead of getting an idea worth spreading, I got... a whole range of speeches - from inspirational Oprah crap to "here's a list of books I've read about dieting, and you should go on a vegan fast." The woman with the vegan fast recommendation was interesting. She mentioned some unhealthy dieting practices but didn't focus on how common those sort of things (like laxative teas) are for women in Poland (a country where gym culture is just beginning to catch on). She had the whole basis for her talk in a fascinating comment she made in answer to "Why did you decide to be vegan?" She said, "Because I'm selfish." With those three words, she revolutionized the idea of "selfishness." That is something I would listen to a 15 minute speech about.
Another example was the Oprah speech. A woman climbed the seven highest peaks on each continent. That's pretty freaking cool, right? She has to have fascinating things to say about it, right? Well, she did have interesting stories to tell, but she didn't necessarily tell them. Each of her mountains represented something she learned "Perseverance," "Motivation," etc. She became one of those black and white motivational posters. At the same time, frequently the indigenous people who helped her climb each mountain factored into her speech. What a fascinating concept: mountain climbing and the local economy - people who work as pack mules, basically. The people who make it possible for the wealthy to do extravagant things like climb mountains! Instead, there were some casual comments about the cannibalism of the local culture, which - I'm 90% certain - ignored the intricacies of the issue for the shock value of "cannibalism."
I could go through each speech, but my thoughts on some of them are less charitable than others, and it does no good to go into that depth this far after the fact. I'm still confused about the guy who went to Asia to paint Scottish murals at the winery. It was in Polish, but I couldn't tell if he wasn't prepared or if he was incredibly culturally insensitive or both. Every time someone laughed, I was like "I could make a similar slide show about Poland." However, I'm completely a relativist. I have hard time saying one group or culture is better than another. Still, based on decades in the states, some of the things in Poland are really strange.
Anyway, TEDxWarsaw was a fun event, and I'm glad I attended. At the very least, it will be a fun addition to my scrapbook and to my coffee mug collection!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Most of March/Playing Catch Up
I've calmed down a bit with my travel. It's too cold to go anywhere, and I want to explore the beauty of Warsaw more. I got dinner with Sarah one evening, as is becoming our tradition. It's nice to get out. Classes are struggling along as usual.
Amanda visited us again to pick up her Beat headphones. We spent a few lovely days in Warsaw - going to Jeff's American Diner, vermouth, and movies. A movie that I've been dying to see - Hysteria - was finally out in Poland. Elaine says it's not out in America yet, which surprises me. It's a British film about the invention of the vibrator. It's an historical romantic comedy. I adore Maggie Gyllenhaal, who starred in it. I wouldn't say the movie was the best, but it was definitely worth watching.
Amanda left Monday morning, so I got back to my schedule - tutoring, teaching, and the like. That following Sunday was the nicest weather in Warsaw in ages. Lola and I ventured to Lazienki Park. We went through the Palace on the Water, the Old Orangery, and Myslewicki Palace. This was quite good preparation so I knew for sure if these things are worth seeing when my parents come.
There's still so much in Warsaw/Poland that I need to see. Warsaw has a plethora of little, kitschy museums. I still want to go to the Chopin museum and the Museum of Technology and the Museum of the Polish Peasant. I'd also like to go back to the Poster Museum when they have a normal exhibit once again!
Amanda visited us again to pick up her Beat headphones. We spent a few lovely days in Warsaw - going to Jeff's American Diner, vermouth, and movies. A movie that I've been dying to see - Hysteria - was finally out in Poland. Elaine says it's not out in America yet, which surprises me. It's a British film about the invention of the vibrator. It's an historical romantic comedy. I adore Maggie Gyllenhaal, who starred in it. I wouldn't say the movie was the best, but it was definitely worth watching.
Amanda left Monday morning, so I got back to my schedule - tutoring, teaching, and the like. That following Sunday was the nicest weather in Warsaw in ages. Lola and I ventured to Lazienki Park. We went through the Palace on the Water, the Old Orangery, and Myslewicki Palace. This was quite good preparation so I knew for sure if these things are worth seeing when my parents come.
There's still so much in Warsaw/Poland that I need to see. Warsaw has a plethora of little, kitschy museums. I still want to go to the Chopin museum and the Museum of Technology and the Museum of the Polish Peasant. I'd also like to go back to the Poster Museum when they have a normal exhibit once again!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Crochet Project
I've done some great crocheting recently. I finished a scarf to match a hat I got for Christmas. Now, I'm slowly working on some fingerless gloves to match with the remainder of my yarn.
Last night, I finished a great project. It's not as complicated as the afghan I'm crocheting at home. Nor is it as complicated as some of the scarfs I'm making. Yet, it's the first time I've made anything in the round or anything that needed to fit a certain size.
What's that? Why yes, it is an iPod case. I modified this pattern. By modify, I mean that I changed colors every three rows until I got to the blue. Then I did a few more rows of the blue because the pattern as written wasn't tall enough for my iPod - which is a problem with my gauge, I'm sure. All I need to do is buy a white, star-shaped button for the flap closure. My love of the American flag has gone through the roof since I got to Poland. I'll try to rock it still in the US... but we'll see how well that goes.
Last night, I finished a great project. It's not as complicated as the afghan I'm crocheting at home. Nor is it as complicated as some of the scarfs I'm making. Yet, it's the first time I've made anything in the round or anything that needed to fit a certain size.
What's that? Why yes, it is an iPod case. I modified this pattern. By modify, I mean that I changed colors every three rows until I got to the blue. Then I did a few more rows of the blue because the pattern as written wasn't tall enough for my iPod - which is a problem with my gauge, I'm sure. All I need to do is buy a white, star-shaped button for the flap closure. My love of the American flag has gone through the roof since I got to Poland. I'll try to rock it still in the US... but we'll see how well that goes.
Friday, March 2, 2012
Betty's Talk
This week has been uneventful.
Wednesday was frustrating because my lesson plan fell flat. I have no idea what my students are doing in their other classes. So I struck out in class by repeating their other lessons by accident. I also gave them an assignment that will be a waste of their time. Frustrating for me and for them.
Thursday, Betty was speaking at the University of Warsaw's American Studies Center. This is only a twenty minute walk (tops) from our apartment. So I headed to her speech. It was a really interesting commentary on the public presence of the President. She looked at various State of the Union speeches, how US Presidents spoke to the media (and how often), etc. We watched youtube clips of different speeches. In the end, I'm not sure there was a definite conclusion or argument about what is the best way to approach the public. However, I learned a little bit more - and watched some speeches I should've seen already. Because I'm supposed to be an enlightened American citizen.
I then arranged some private tutoring - as in, I am tutoring a young Polish girl in English. Then I studied Polish. Which was good. Refreshing. I'm trying to do a bunch of studying before Mom & Dad get here so it's easier to talk to the Polish family. It's tough to rely on their English. :)
Wednesday was frustrating because my lesson plan fell flat. I have no idea what my students are doing in their other classes. So I struck out in class by repeating their other lessons by accident. I also gave them an assignment that will be a waste of their time. Frustrating for me and for them.
Thursday, Betty was speaking at the University of Warsaw's American Studies Center. This is only a twenty minute walk (tops) from our apartment. So I headed to her speech. It was a really interesting commentary on the public presence of the President. She looked at various State of the Union speeches, how US Presidents spoke to the media (and how often), etc. We watched youtube clips of different speeches. In the end, I'm not sure there was a definite conclusion or argument about what is the best way to approach the public. However, I learned a little bit more - and watched some speeches I should've seen already. Because I'm supposed to be an enlightened American citizen.
I then arranged some private tutoring - as in, I am tutoring a young Polish girl in English. Then I studied Polish. Which was good. Refreshing. I'm trying to do a bunch of studying before Mom & Dad get here so it's easier to talk to the Polish family. It's tough to rely on their English. :)
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Ally McBeal
I've recently been watching a lot of "Ally McBeal" on Netflix. The show is by turns witty, ridiculous, and insightful. Frequently the show errs on the side of ridiculous. There's plenty of interesting characters with awesome catch phrases. My favorite is John Cage, played by Peter McNicol (Not to be confused with the American composer who wrote the piece 4'33"). John Cage is famous for his antics in the courtroom - wearing squeaky shoes, getting the jury to speak in unison "silly," "throwing" his stomach gurgle. It's especially interesting watching a show that has aged so well. It lasted from 1997-2002. In the past decade, it has not lost its humor the way some shows have. Its fashion style is still poorly out of date, but that's life.
I was hooked after the third episode. Tate Donovan guest starred. He's a personal favorite of mine because I think he's cute in Love Potion No. 9. Now, I'm to the third season (after a few days of diligently crocheting and watching TV while coming up with some lackluster lesson plans).
So, I went back to find the quotes that I found so catching when I watched the first few episodes. Yet, all the quote websites seemed to focus on quotes that I found irrelevant (though, admittedly, funny). Most of them focus on Ally's neuroses. “I don't want what I want, and I want what I don't want, and to complicate it even more, I don't even know what I want or don't want!”
So, I took it upon myself to look up the scene again. In it, Ally storms into Ronnie's (Donovan) office, demanding to know why he dumped her. He gives her the most insightful reason - especially insightful for someone who'd only been on a date or two with her.
Your favorite book, Henderson the Rain King?
Yeah.
You identifying with Henderson, the guy going around saying, "I want, I want, I want, I want."
Yeah.
Well, that makes for an interesting character, Ally. And when you print your life story, I'll be waiting on line at the bookstore. But for a partner? I don't know if I want to sign up with the person who knows that she's gonna be wanting forever.
Ronnie - I - I - I was making conversation. We were dancing. I was just saying that so you would know that I read books.
No. No. That's just you all over, Ally. The day you stop wanting is the day you begin to die. You - You go through people. You'll go through me.
That is just-just-just so -
True.
So what are you saying? That I'm the kind of person who can never be happy?
I think you'll know more happiness than most. You just won't be content.
I feel that we're bombarded with conflicting stories. We're told to learn to be content with what we have. We're told to reach for the stars. No dream is too big. In my American Film class, we talked about people who had the capacity to change - as in, they were constantly changing and evolving. The characters we studied were bigger than their surroundings. They wanted more. They were "awakened."
A perfect example is this classic quote from Moonstruck. I'm not a huge fan of Nicolas Cage or Cher, but this is a great scene.
"That woman didn't leave you, OK. You can't see what you are, and I see everything... You are a wolf!... That woman was a trap for you. She caught you and you couldn't get away. So you, you chewed off your own foot. That was the price you had to pay for your freedom... And now, now you're afraid because you know the big part of you is a wolf that has the courage to bite off its own hand to save itself from the trap of the wrong love. That's why there's been no woman since that wrong woman. OK? You're scared to death of what the wolf would do if you try and make that mistake again!"
I'm not sure if I'm able to perfectly articulate the similarities here. I identify them with this sense of yearning - knowing that there is more out there than what you have. I think that's why Nicolas Cage loses his hand - he needs to be free to seek what's more. This is why Ally can't find love. She's always looking for more. Something bigger, something greater. So she sabotages herself. This is the same reason she's constantly inventing realistic daydreams and the reason she identifies so strongly with music, which is a base, emotional form of communication.
Ally is an imperfect character. She's self-centered, a fact that is openly acknowledged in the show. Her oddities are extreme, but I think one of the reasons "Ally McBeal" was such a popular show (other than clever writing) was that it caught the post-college crowd. She's a fairly recent law school grad trying to figure out her life and get it together. She's trying to find the contentedness we've been promised since we were children. All the way through school, we have goals. You've got to get good grades in high school to get to college. You've got to get good grades in college to get into grad school, to get the fellowship, to get the job. But once you have that - what's next?
I was hooked after the third episode. Tate Donovan guest starred. He's a personal favorite of mine because I think he's cute in Love Potion No. 9. Now, I'm to the third season (after a few days of diligently crocheting and watching TV while coming up with some lackluster lesson plans).
So, I went back to find the quotes that I found so catching when I watched the first few episodes. Yet, all the quote websites seemed to focus on quotes that I found irrelevant (though, admittedly, funny). Most of them focus on Ally's neuroses. “I don't want what I want, and I want what I don't want, and to complicate it even more, I don't even know what I want or don't want!”
So, I took it upon myself to look up the scene again. In it, Ally storms into Ronnie's (Donovan) office, demanding to know why he dumped her. He gives her the most insightful reason - especially insightful for someone who'd only been on a date or two with her.
Your favorite book, Henderson the Rain King?
Yeah.
You identifying with Henderson, the guy going around saying, "I want, I want, I want, I want."
Yeah.
Well, that makes for an interesting character, Ally. And when you print your life story, I'll be waiting on line at the bookstore. But for a partner? I don't know if I want to sign up with the person who knows that she's gonna be wanting forever.
Ronnie - I - I - I was making conversation. We were dancing. I was just saying that so you would know that I read books.
No. No. That's just you all over, Ally. The day you stop wanting is the day you begin to die. You - You go through people. You'll go through me.
That is just-just-just so -
True.
So what are you saying? That I'm the kind of person who can never be happy?
I think you'll know more happiness than most. You just won't be content.
I feel that we're bombarded with conflicting stories. We're told to learn to be content with what we have. We're told to reach for the stars. No dream is too big. In my American Film class, we talked about people who had the capacity to change - as in, they were constantly changing and evolving. The characters we studied were bigger than their surroundings. They wanted more. They were "awakened."
A perfect example is this classic quote from Moonstruck. I'm not a huge fan of Nicolas Cage or Cher, but this is a great scene.
"That woman didn't leave you, OK. You can't see what you are, and I see everything... You are a wolf!... That woman was a trap for you. She caught you and you couldn't get away. So you, you chewed off your own foot. That was the price you had to pay for your freedom... And now, now you're afraid because you know the big part of you is a wolf that has the courage to bite off its own hand to save itself from the trap of the wrong love. That's why there's been no woman since that wrong woman. OK? You're scared to death of what the wolf would do if you try and make that mistake again!"
I'm not sure if I'm able to perfectly articulate the similarities here. I identify them with this sense of yearning - knowing that there is more out there than what you have. I think that's why Nicolas Cage loses his hand - he needs to be free to seek what's more. This is why Ally can't find love. She's always looking for more. Something bigger, something greater. So she sabotages herself. This is the same reason she's constantly inventing realistic daydreams and the reason she identifies so strongly with music, which is a base, emotional form of communication.
Ally is an imperfect character. She's self-centered, a fact that is openly acknowledged in the show. Her oddities are extreme, but I think one of the reasons "Ally McBeal" was such a popular show (other than clever writing) was that it caught the post-college crowd. She's a fairly recent law school grad trying to figure out her life and get it together. She's trying to find the contentedness we've been promised since we were children. All the way through school, we have goals. You've got to get good grades in high school to get to college. You've got to get good grades in college to get into grad school, to get the fellowship, to get the job. But once you have that - what's next?
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